


be a bit more chill

by 1989



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Autistic Jeremy, Cuddling, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, also jeremy is kinda mute in this? you'll see, anyways there's not enough pining jer, dark ned vizzini give me pining jeremy, i mean the entire musical revolved around this premise cmon, impromptu sleepover, michael is supportive and still the best, my mind took "tics and fidgets" as "ah yes he's stimming'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 16:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11924949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1989/pseuds/1989
Summary: Jeremy can't wind down after a long, stressful day; luckily, his best friend is always up for an impromptu sleepover.





	be a bit more chill

**Author's Note:**

> i would get run over by a truck for autistic jeremy
> 
> also i hc that jeremy uses a heck ton of emojis because he has trouble reading emotion/tone over text and thinks people will misinterpret the tone he's tryna convey buuut a03 wouldn't let me have emojis in this so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ whoopsie daisy
> 
> jeremy doesn't speak much in the beginning because he just had a panic attack & i know a few people that have selective mutism and can't talk after those so?? correct me if i'm wrong on anything lol

It hadn't been the best day for Jeremy.

Or the best week.

Or the best life, but that was besides the point.

The fact of the matter was that his school day was ten times more stressful than usual: he'd taken approximately three tests, presented a project in English and, to top it off, was forced to attend the monthly pep rally. His dad would typically pick him up an hour beforehand but was unable to work it into his new shift, which meant Jeremy would have to sit with his ( _unbearably loud_ ) friends at every ( _unbearably loud_ ) pep rally for the remainder of the year. Hooray.

He'd managed to calm down from the stressed induced panic attack he'd suffered around an hour ago, yet he was still unable to fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. Groaning, Jeremy forced himself up and grabbed at his phone on the opposite side of the bed to shoot a text over to his best friend.

 

jeremy johnson

2:28: **_M_** _ **ikey are you up**_

 

michael from vsauce

2:32: **_always (((:_**

**_wait, why are you up???  
_ **

**_  
_ **

jeremy johnson

2:33: **_Co_** ** _uldnt sleep_**

 **_Today_ ** **_was super long and I thought I'd pass out as soon as I got home but I cant for whatever reason  
_ **

**_  
_ **

michael from vsauce

2:35: **_d'ya wanna come over?_**

**_  
_ **

Jeremy looked between the text and his bedroom door. His dad was definitely unconscious by now, but he doubted he would mind much if Jeremy went to Michael's and left behind a note. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before.

Plus, he could really use some alone time with his best friend.

 

jeremy johnson

2:37: **_Y_** _ **eah please <3  
**_

_**  
** _

The pale boy grabbed his designated Michael bag from the foot of the bed, still full of clothes he hadn't bothered to unpack from their sleepover last week. He dumped the contents onto the floor and replaced them with a fresh pair of jeans, boxers and a t-shirt for the next day. Jeremy gathered everything else he would possibly need and stuffed it into the old backpack, then snatched a post it from his desk and jotted down a quick explanation.

He stuck it to his dad's bedroom door and hurried down the staircase, taking extra caution to avoid the steps he knew were creaky.

The walk to Michael's house was short but peaceful. The road beside him was brightened by the streetlights gleaming above, and the only audible noise came from the faint buzz of cicadas. Jeremy loved being outside at night because of how quiet and uninhabited it was; it allowed him a brief moment to pretend that he was the only human on the planet, which was surprisingly more comforting than it was lonely.

Jeremy crunched a few dead leaves as he approached the front door, which caused him to jolt back from the abrupt sound. He shook the nervousness that suddenly infiltrated his body and unzipped the front pocket of his backpack to retrieve his ring of keys. It took a moment of fumbling before he managed to find the correct one and turn it into the lock. When he opened the door he found Michael sitting atop the kitchen counter in an oversized navy hoodie, his feet swinging below him as he tapped away on his phone, presumably playing a game. The boy's head perked upwards when he heard the door open and he greeted Jeremy with a grin.

"Hey Miah," he said in a hushed voice. Just like Jeremy's dad, Michael's parents were most likely fast asleep, which meant they'd have to be ultra quiet. Jeremy reciprocated the smile he'd been given and responded with a small wave that made the sleeve of his cardigan slump down. Michael shoved his phone into the pocket of his hoodie as Jeremy deposited his belongings onto the couch and hopped off the counter to stand beside his friend.

"So," he began, covering his mouth as a violent yawn escaped the back of his throat. "Food?"

Jeremy's stomach nearly growled in response to the proposal, but he managed to keep his hunger at bay as he nodded enthusiastically. He'd barely touched his dinner, which meant he hadn't had a substantial meal since breakfast, as he- and every other student at his school- refused to touch the shit they passed off for a lunch, and continuously forgot to pack his own.

Michael grabbed two ceramic bowls from the cabinet and placed them near the sink as he moved to grab the half gallon of chocolate peanut butter from the freezer. Jeremy plopped onto a bar stool as his friend scooped the ice cream into their respective bowls, pushing his palms against the counter to gain momentum and spin the detachable seat around in circles. He felt dizzy almost as quickly as he'd begun and eased the seat to a stop before he grew nauseous, opting instead to release his pent up energy by drumming his hands on the counter top and bouncing his leg up and down in an erratic motion.

Michael made no mention of his actions, which Jeremy had long since decided was one of the things he loved most about him. He could be restlessly clicking the switch on a fidget cube, flapping his hands around or doing a plethora of other things he himself considered to be downright obnoxious, but Michael would never bat an eye. Jeremy assumed it was because they'd known one another for a large portion of their lives and Michael had thus grown accustomed to Jeremy's tics and learned to tolerate them- yet, when he voiced this thought, Michael insisted that he never found it annoying and viewed it as just another aspect of his personality. The thought alone was enough to make his chest swell with warmth; Jeremy constantly tried to suppress his fidgeting in public as a result of all the dirty looks and insults he'd endured throughout middle school. Hell, his own mother had told him to "calm the fuck down" on multiple occasions. He'd come to detest his inability to sit still like a normally-functioning human being, which contributed greatly to his...  _dislike_ of himself.

Needless to say, the fact that someone fully accepted him without a second thought nearly made up for all the other negative moments.

Michael slid the bowl across the counter in Jeremy's general direction, who frantically grabbed it before it could topple over the edge. Michael snorted and earned a half-hearted slap on the arm, which only further fueled his laughter. "Do you wanna eat in my room?" He asked, a tired smile lazily spreading across his features and messy curls flopping forwards to frame his cheeks. Moonlight from the adjacent screen porch streaked in through the parted blinds and illuminated his face prettily, which rendered Jeremy unable to do anything but wordlessly nod and pray that his blush wasn't visible in the kitchen's dim light. He slid from the bar stool and trudged down the hallway with his bowl in hands, closely following behind his best friend.

"Wait wait wait." Michael blurted once they reached his door, holding an arm out to prevent Jeremy from heading into the room. Jeremy watched in confusion as he propped the door open just enough to push his arm through and fumbled around with an unspecified object on the wall. Once Michael completely opened the door a moment later, however, Jeremy realized that he'd dimmed the lights considerably before the pale boy could enter because he knew that harsh lighting gave him headaches and strained his eyes. The mere notion made Jeremy's stomach flip with an overwhelming love and appreciation for his best friend. He didn't think he deserved someone who was so endlessly considerate, even in the smallest of gestures.

Once they entered the darkened bedroom, Jeremy hopped onto Michael's perpetually messy bed as his friend set down his bowl and began blindly searching the cluttered room for his tablet. He managed to retrieve the item fairly quickly with an audible "aha!" and sat down beside Jeremy, who was already halfway finished with his ice cream.

The pair sat cross legged on the mattress as Michael searched through his recommendations on Netflix. He'd been scrolling by a flurry of boring titles for the past minute before Jeremy grabbed his hand and led him to something that suddenly piqued his interest. Jeremy forced the other's finger down to click on The Road to El Dorado, which made Michael snort and shoot him an amused sideways glance. "Did you even have to ask?" He was met with a sheepish shrug and smile from Jeremy, who knew his best friend was always up for their mutual favourite movie, especially after they hadn't seen it together for at least a year.

They settled beside one another as the opening credits began, both boys leaning on the pile of pillows that were pushed against the bed frame while the tablet was propped upwards in its case and rested on Michael's legs. By the thirty minute mark their bowls had been carelessly pitched onto the bedside-table, each stained with chocolate that would undoubtedly be a pain to scrub out come morning. Downing a bowl of ice cream coupled with the air conditioning running on full blast equated to shivers running down his spine; he stretched an arm across Michael's back and rested his cheek on his shoulder, nuzzling as close to him as possible for some semblance of warmth. When Michael noticed the way he was shivering, he quickly paused the movie and snatched a few blankets from beside them to drape over he and Jeremy. Once the film resumed they were both snuggled into one another, Jeremy curled into Michael's chest while Michael's arms were casually latched around the other's midsection and his chin rest in Jeremy's mess of curls. 

As much as he tried denying it to his other friends, Jeremy wasn't a fan of physical contact. It made his skin feel prickly and oversensitive, and the texture of another person's hands was almost enough in of itself to send him into overdrive. Yet knowing Michael for as long as he had resulted in Jeremy being perfectly comfortable around him in virtually every capacity; if anything, his touch served as a means to reel him back into reality rather than push him further away from it. He relied on Michael to squeeze his hand whenever things became too overwhelming- which they often did- or to card a hand through his hair and reassure him that everything would be alright.

Jeremy pulled the blanket further up his body and turned on his side, resting his cheek near his friends collarbone and allowing his eyes to flutter shut. He was tired as hell from the school day and the fact that he'd been awake for nearly 24 hours, and was too warm and comfortable at the moment to give a shit if he passed out on top of Michael.

He drifted in and out of sleep for the next five minutes before Michael took notice. "Hey, you're gonna miss the part where Tulio and Miguel have hot gay sex!" He said, trying to contain his laughter as he lightly shook Jeremy's shoulder.

"Stop queer baiting me," Jeremy mumbled, his words slurred together in a string of near incomprehension. Michael would've dismissed it as pure gibberish if he hadn't known Jeremy for so long and learned to decipher his speech when exhausted. "Okay, but it's your loss," Michael snickered, lifting his hand from his friend's shoulder to tangle in his hair.

Jeremy leaned into the touch and closed his eyes once more, feeling more at peace here than he'd ever feel in his own bed a few blocks away. Before he could drift off to the soft sounds of El Dorado playing in the background and Michael idly running his fingers through his hair, Jeremy murmured a barely audible "I love you" into the fabric of the other's shirt.

The hand in his hair paused.

Michael stiffened beneath him.

_Shit._

The second Jeremy realized his mistake he jolted upright, taking the layer of blankets with him and nearly knocking Michael's tablet onto the floor with the abrupt movement. He was suddenly wide awake with a pounding heartbeat and heat mercilessly spreading across his cheeks. He was almost certain that his name was being called but he couldn't focus on where it was coming from because his heart was beating out of his chest and his chest had fallen to the floor and the floor had fallen out beneath him and he was in space and there was no air in space, no air in space, no air-

"Jeremy."

Jeremy blinked down at his hands (which he noted were now wrapped around Michael's) and realized that he hadn't breathed within the past twenty or so seconds. And might want to sometime soon if he planned on, y'know, sustaining life and all that jazz.

He sucked in and chanced a glance upwards to Michael, who was looking back at him with concern and a hint of hope.

"Did you-" Michael paused to clear his throat and take in a breath for himself. "Did you mean that?"

For the umpteenth time that night alone Jeremy was abandoned by language; he doubted he could deny it at this point, but if he was finally admitting his feelings he wanted it to be on _his_ terms. He wanted to gush over the countless things he loved about his best friend before he was inevitability turned down, rather than simply nod. Yet Jeremy was rendered useless to do anything other than just that, and he stared down at their entwined hands as he confirmed Michael's suspicions.

A painful beat of silence stretched across them. Jeremy noticed Michael open his mouth out of the corner of his eye and prepared himself for rejection, yet quite the opposite came out once he spoke.

"Jer, I've loved you for so, _so_ long." Michael laughed joyously, releasing one of Jeremy's hands to gently cup his cheek and direct his gaze upwards. His other hand stayed laced around Jeremy's as he squeezed his palm against his own and began rubbing his knuckles across his thumb. Jeremy's eyes morphed into saucers at the confession, though he remained stock still, petrified that any sudden movements might somehow make the moment less real. "I love literally everything about you:your eyes, your smile, the way you snort and scrunch your face up and sorta crinkle your eyes whenever you laugh." Michael realized that he'd begun to raise his voice as he rambled on, and spared Jeremy a sheepish look and small apology. "God, that feels good to say out loud."

Jeremy found his voice somewhere in between the sudden onslaught of information. "Can- Can I kiss you?"

Michael sputtered something unintelligible in response before nodding eagerly. Jeremy scooted closer to him and wrapped his arms around Michael's neck, refusing to hesitate for a even a second as he leaned in and captured his lips in a kiss.

It was... unmistakably a first. Neither had much of a clue as to what they were doing and their noses might've made more contact than their actual lips, but as Jeremy had his breath taken away from the person he'd been in love with for the past four years he decided that he didn't care if it was the worst kiss in the universe; it was _theirs._

Jeremy was glad he hadn't been able to sleep that night.

**Author's Note:**

> lol did y'all catch the phineas and ferb reference
> 
> there's like,, the world's SMALLEST reference to another novel-turned-play hidden in there, and if you can find it i'll probably bake you cookies and deliver them to your house. the play is about another autistic kid so i thought it was fitting but i don't expect anyone to get it hahhah


End file.
